Officer, I swear to drunk I’m not God.

Note: I debated for a while about putting this up, it’s very ranty and a bit personal, so you are forwarned. And the title has nothing to do with drinking, it was the only thing I could think of that had the word “Officer” in it.

Okay, I have a confession to make to you guys: I’m insane. I must be, or why else would I want to be a Guild Officer? Not just a guild officer, I seem to always want to be in charge. From being a counselor at camp, to co-capitan of my colorguard team back in High School, to (hopefully) becoming a manager at work, if I’m not in charge I want to be. My little sister would at this point say “It’s because you’re a bossy know it all, Kate.” (Why would she call me Phea? She would rather lay in a tanning bed than play on a computer. Ah, the variety of one gene pool…) and my mother would promptly agree.

Personally, I like to think it’s because I have a lot of good ideas and I want to help people, and my guild out, especially now that we’re going through such a hard time. Said hard time will be explained in a post later. However, in every guild I have been raiding in I keep getting stonewalled by one thing:

Your boyfriend is already an officer, and we don’t do the whole “couples leading” thing.

I swear to goodness, if you could have said one thing other than “HEALS!!11!!” to make me extremely mad in about two seconds that would be it. Punch and I have been playing together for over a year now. We enjoy raiding, it’s what we do, and I’m not one of those girlfriends who doesn’t know her class and expects to be carried through raids because her honey-bunches thinks its fun to kill dragons and I want to spend time with my sweetums.

To be blunt: Screw you!

I don’t want to have anything to do with raid leading. Goodness knows I can’t explain a fight to anyone else but me (well, at least verbally), and I’m tired of hearing a cacophony of voices after a wipe, from people who want to talk over the actual raid leaders. I’m more everyday management. I like to write posts about how things could have gone better (duh, I write on here don’t I?), manage who has gotten loot, and talk to people about their problems. Here my sister would step in and say: “It’s because you’re nosey, Kate, that’s why you keep that annoying girl on your facebook so you can make fun of her statuses about how she hates everyone.” Well, even if that’s true, I believe I’m a good listener and problem solver, although I’m much more–hmm, how do I say this…understanding? Mushy? All of us sit around the campfire and sing and roast marshmallows? Okay, that works.– than the other guild leaders are. Also, lists are my friends. I make three or four lists every time I go on vacation just because I like to. I’m well organized and when I can’t get on WoW I lurk on the guild website and find things to post about, or re-write.

To make an annalogy about it: I don’t want to be the First Lady who sits back and lets her Husband to all the politicking. I want to be right in the thick of things, sharing my opinions, making changes. Basicly, I want to be Hilary Clinton, with much less pant suits. And minus Bill’s skirt chasing ways.

Even if none of this made me a good officer, don’t automatically discount me because I’m a girl, or because I’m dating another officer. By having a blanket statement that everyone who is dating someone cannot have a significant other as an officer you could be vastly limiting your talent pool, creating resentment, or generally offending people. Some of the most successful guilds, or even the most fun, are run by couples who understand how to deal with differences of opinion and not freak when the other doesn’t agree with them.

However, I can understand the fears these guys have. If there are two officers who are dating on a loot council it could seem like the loot system could be skewed. Punch already voluntarily sits out on any loot I roll for, and I can’t imagine trying to be in on something like that for him. I wouldn’t want that stress in my relationship or on the guild, because I don’t always agree he should get the pieces he wants.

I spoke with our new Guild Master last night about my concerns. I basically told him I plan to put a lot of my time and work outside of raiding into this guild to bring us back up to where we were, we need more officers because I don’t want to see our raiders burning out because they have to much stress on their shoulders with their lives and now all this that has been thrust upon them, and if I’m wasting my time working more than the average person towards making this guild great let me know now because I’m not going to dump all my efforts and not see any return on it besides a “Good job.” I plan to stick around here as long as the guild is functioning, and I don’t want to be disappointed because people see me as a “She’s here because her boyfriend is” raider, and not as someone they can respect otherwise. Thankfully, he agreed with me (Haha, now reading that I realize I kinda sound like a bitch, but it’s what had to be said. I don’t deal well with being strung along, and the number of times I got told in Roxbury that I was going to be considered for an officer very soon and then being ignored for a few months, created a great sense of caution in me when getting involved with a project like this).However, he let me know that, unfortunately, I was going to have to make more of an effort than a regular raider who would be considered because of peoples concerns about my relationship and the stings that comes with. That is definitely not a problem, and there are some couples out there I would never want to see become officers together, or raid leaders.

I’m off to a good start: I suggested we get non-officer loot council members in the voting so that raiders don’t feel that the officers are rigging votes for their favorites, and getting more opinions on who the piece is better for. The GM happily accepted this idea, and we were all told to think about who we wanted in the council, my own ideas included. I like how I’m always in officer meetings, but never an officer. Punch and I laugh about that after logging off vent after one of these meetings.

Hopefully this won’t all blow up in my face, and I can change people’s minds about girlfriends in a raiding guild. If not, all I ask is honesty so that I can be realistic about my expectations and not be jerked around.

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11 Comments

Filed under Guild life

11 responses to “Officer, I swear to drunk I’m not God.

  1. Windsoar

    When I was GM’ing a 10-man guild I made it a policy of no couples because there is only so much pressure any one guild can suffer. We already had “guilded raiders” vs. “new raiders” and “serious” vs. “occasional.” My husband often complained that he was an acting officer without the title (which was true), but when I addressed it with my officer core, I was told in no uncertain terms that I wouldn’t have officers.

    They were concerned about a voting bloc. The officers in that guild I had known long-terms (1-2 years) and they knew my husband and I through previous guilds and outside the game–we rarely agree on anything, and we have totally different gaming philosophies… however, the issue was still there.

    I’m happy that your guild is even considering working you into any kind of officer position–it speaks very highly of the guild and their trust in you and your S.O. to place the guild above yourselves.

    • I understand the worry behind having couples be officers–like you said if they disagree a lot there is worry about stagnation when things need to get done. I like to think that Punch and I can agree to disagree on things, and putting the issues of the guild above personal opinions is the only way anything can work when you have conflict. It’s for the good of the people!

      I do hope that I get the opportunity to show that I can do many things that other officers arn’t interested in handling. I sympathize greatly with your husband, it stinks to be the unheaded voice when you’re putting as much into the guild as a regular officer.

      You say when you were GMing, does that mean you no longer are GMing your 10-man guild?

      • Windsoar

        No, I played a different character and was not part of the blogging scene when I was a GM. My current character was rolled after an implosion of massive proportions 😛 However, in some ways, once a GM/officer, always one, so member-officer relationship discussion is always important to me 🙂

        I think you’re attempting to address a core duty of the guild (member relations) that you see as not currently being handled very well if at all. The fact that you can communicate where and how you’ll benefit the officer core and what you do/don’t want to do as an officer will help immensely–it’s definitely not fun to be busting your butt for the guild without any recognition for your hard work!

  2. I’m half of a couple officer team, so I’m a bit biased, but if you take each person as an individual, and ask if that person would be a good officer… then go on that. It really should not matter whom the officer is boffing.

    I find that if one member of the couple is an officer and the other isn’t, it can cause friction… you know that the non-officer half of the couple is privy to all the officer information anyway, and probably helping form the officer’s opinions, but you can’t talk to/convince the non-officer directly.

    If you say no to couples, then you have to say no to siblings, parent/child… we have 2 brothers who were officers together. It would have been artificial to exclude one when they were both exemplary.

    As for agreeing… hehe I disagree with hubby-gm ALL THE TIME. I don’t make him sleep on the couch, but I’ve disagreed with him before. It’s just a game, and at the end of the day, whether we implement EPGP for 10 mans doesn’t affect our marriage AT ALL.

    Now, I think because I’m the GM’s wife, the other officer are kind afraid of disagreeing with me, or think that my opinion has more weight than another officer’s, but that’s their problem. I’m not a raid officer, and that is good, because I do the fluffy newbie-recruiting-advising crap that is generally noncontroversial (it does help if the members of the couple have different “jobs” in the guild, kind of like spouses working at the same company but one is in HR and the other is in Legal).

    • Yes, I want the fluff, get me as far away from telling people about fight mechanics! All of our officers are male right now, and they (with the acception of the GM, who is an older gentleman who cares more about peoples feelings) don’t have time/don’t want to get into peoples complaining. I think having a female who can handle that bologna could add extra opinions that they may not think of.

  3. The key would be to get promoted before your boyfriend does!

    Although, if you’ve only been in the guild for a little while, isn’t it a bit early to be thinking about officership? Typically, I would be wary of someone who was promoted before they’d been in a guild for 6 months to a year. It takes some time to really grasp a guild’s culture and promoting members too quickly can really hurt that.

    Besides, you don’t need to be an officer to be in charge of stuff. In my guild, I ended up in charge of the Sunday night 10 man. I’m not an officer. The guy who ran that group before me plus all the alt raids wasn’t an officer. In my old guild, our healing lead and main recruitment person wasn’t an officer (well, he was for awhile, but he resigned).

    If you have a strong personality, know what you’re talking about, take initiatives, you’ll be respected and followed, officer title or not.

    • He always beats me to the punch!

      The reason I’m seriously thinking about this now is because we’re looking for more officers right now. The guild itself has only been around for four months, and we lost a large majority of our “veteren players” in the kafuffle Tuesday morning.

      I’ve done the “officer except not in name” buisness before, and I wasn’t happy with the experience. Its difficult in a raid experience, or when you’re trying to direct guildies and they can say “Well, you’re not an officer, so I can just ignore you.” That’s just my opinion, congratz that you can lead with the respect of your guildies without a title to back it up. I think that also comes from you being in your guild for a long time, versus the baby stage we’re in.

  4. Well as of today I’m the guild website moderator! That should be a fun learning experience for me 🙂

    I think I’m going to take a step back from activily trying to become an officer and instead eat up as many projects as they can throw at me. Hopefully, that will be an effective way of showing leadership potential.

    Hmm, maybe I should go read Ophelie’s post about assigning pally buffs and start doing that 😉

    • Grats. I’ve done that for a while and it’s nice. Since you already run a blog, you are well-equipped to create information stickies etc. I tend to tag things in my feed reader that might be of interest to guildies of other classes and stick them up on the website periodically. Soon enough you’ll be the go-to for how-to, even if it’s just to say “I don’t know, but I know where to find it.”

      • Thanks! Do you have any suggestions for blogs for players of other classes? I know about Resto4life and Big Bear Butt for druids, but I’m familiar with no bligs for shaman, warriors, mages, warlocks, or rogues.

        I’m very un-computer savy so running this show is interesting. I’m going to try to figure out how to change the banner today. Hopefully I don’t delete it like I did the poll…

      • One reason I started a blog was to catalog and share the blogs that I read (or at least skim for articles that would benefit my guildies).

        http://crankyhealer.wordpress.com/blogroll/

        I just went through and pruned… so there shouldn’t be any blogs on there that haven’t been updated in over 3 months. I love some of the retired blogs greatly, and it pains me to remove them, but because WoW is constantly changing, things become out of date very quickly.

        I’m usually adding a few new ones a week, so check back.

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