Ever get that feeling that you’re going to projectile vomit, Rotface style, all over your laptop because you’re so nervous about a raid?
Yeah, well that was me all tonight.
Over the last week, all of our former guild mates from Surge trickled in applications to the best alliance raiding guild on server. It was a strange thing. I’d check the forums and be like “Oh there’s Ominous’s app…and Winters….” [one day later] “Hmmm, Mcginnis applied too.” And so on, and so forth. In a stroke of generosity the Raid leader decided that if he was going to take one of us, he was going to take all of us. He mentioned that we had to fight for raid spots like everyone else, and that we all knew how to fill out an application damn well (Heh, freaking out about poor apps seems to have made an impression on my guild mates), but we’d be in for raids to show we knew what we were doing. We’re playin’ with the big boys now.
The skill level difference is astounding. It’s a bit of a culture shock when your top DPS is suddenly 10th or 11th on meters. There is a reason these players are the best: They don’t put up with shit, and expect you to know what you’re doing before they have to tell you. You’re there on time, or you don’t raid. When forty people are online, there is no “holding a spot.” You better prove you’re worth your raid slot, or you’re not going to raid. So far only three of us have had a chance to show what we’re worth: Myself, a Hunter, and my Druid boyfriend. All of us will get our chance to show what we’re worth, but being better than their current players is going to take a great deal of work.
We went in Tuesday and did Heroic Marrowgar, and Regular Deathwhisper. In typical nervous fashion I managed to overheal like a madman and forget to take the teleporter back to Lady D after a wipe. /facepalm. Then I managed to suffer from a severe case of foot-in-mouth syndrome when I starting being nosy about why the other Holy paladin in the raid wanted Heroic Trauma.
Okay, self. Just because the majority of Holy paladins you’ve run with are complete idiots does not mean you’re queen of the knowledge sphere. He can afford to sacrifice a few points of int and haste because his other gear is awesome (unlike yours, you haste whore) for that chunk of spellpower, and he can do whatever he damn well pleases with that proc. Now stfu and gtfo of your bossy, almighty mood.
I apologized tonight, and I really didn’t mean to offend him. I can be a bit…over enthusiastic…about talking with other people who know what they’re doing, because it’s so rare that I can find someone who does the kind of research I do. Evidence:
- 2nd day in guild- noisily asks why in the world a holy paladin would want that proc over a druid or a shaman. Begin offense.
- 3rd day in guild - In debate with off spec holy paladin about FoL spec vs HL (thank you Codi for supplying the math to my reasoning), who’s probably been playing MMOs since before I had internet. Thank god he enjoyed the conversation, and the ensuing competition (which we never really got to test, which is a shame), or I’d be pissing off people left and right it seems.
We called raid on Tuesday two hours early because of the horrible server lag on Gunship and Saurfang. Eight second casts are no fun. Tonight we started at Heroic Saurfang again. We used a rotation of three holy paladins to control the first four marks and tanks, then the priests picked up any extra. My job was to beacon the fourth mark to come out, and keep healing the tanks. Well, lo and behold, guess who blows all her mana trying to raid heal, and when her mark comes out promptly goes oom?
That’s right, this girl.
So as I abandon everything I have ever learned about efficent healing, the mage dies, Deathbringer hops back up to 50%, and we wipe it. UGH. Okay, so just FoL from now on, lightly, let the raid healers cover the damage until all the other paladins are keeping marks up. I manage to stay at relatively full mana until my mark comes out, but, between when my holy lights are landing from my beacon one of the other paladins gets nervous about my target (probably not thinking “OMG Pheadra sucks, must heal before she wipes us,” or at least I hope that’s not what he was thinking) and tries to shock him, and another mark dies. So we wipe it, we run back. Rinse and repeat for the next hour and a half. It was so many things, either a mark would get blood boiled and die from sheer amount of damage, or a tank wouldn’t get a CD off fast enough, or any number of things that caused us to wipe. This hardmode is hard. And I hate warrior tanks spiky damage intake. One moment everything is peachy, the next *BOOMMUTHAFUCKA* says Saurfang, and he’s promptly dead. Give me a prot paladin and feral druid any day.
Let the anxious healer nausea begin.
I’m putting the pressure on myself not only to perform at my highest level, but because it’s something else to be in a guild based on my merit, not because I was immediately branded with the “girlfriend” label and people assumed I would need to be carried through raids, or that I was a social player. Trust me, I’ve never coasted on that idea through raiding; I’ve proven I’m a good healer in every guild I’ve been in. It just so happens that Punch usually gets in the guild first, or says “Oh, but I’ll only come if my girlfriend can come too.” Example: when I came into Surge they immediately moved me to “non-raider” status, and I had to explain that I was here to raid, not to be a social player. Very frustrating.
I’ve got a lot to prove here, not only for myself, but I feel like for the former members of Surge. I can imagine that it’s easy for all the “old hats” to believe that we’re all really terrible (or at the minimum at least not at their level), and we’re going to take raid spots and gear until it becomes obvious we’re all not good enough for HMs and we should be regulated to alt 25 man runs. Seeing the level of performance, I don’t doubt that some people don’t deserve that main raid spot. However, some of us can perform at that level, and it will be exciting/nauseating to get that chance.
My main goal in the next few weeks is to gain the trust of the other healers. Almost nothing can be more detrimental to a healing team than trust issues. It causes you to stretch yourself thin worrying about assignments that aren’t yours, and all that added stress isn’t good for a raider. There’s a reason that we can’t one heal everything, so I’m not even going to try. I’m definitely guilty of throwing out extra heals to other players when I see their health dropping, but that mainly becomes overhealing anyway, and does nothing for my mana conservation, which leads to my own assignments dying. Hopefully we’ll be singing campfire songs and holding hands in no time. Okay, no, that’d be weird. But at least they’ll know I can keep a target alive. Or, at least, I hope that’s something that proves to be true.
Oh, and on a side note, when we were in vent discussing about joining, one of the holy paladins mentioned that he read my blog.
…you mean other people who don’t blog read this?! It’s not just some weird person in their basement refreshing my page for some strange reason? I guess it’s just coming face-to-face (or voice-to-voice) with someone who I don’t know, who doesn’t blog who has read some of my stuff that’s tweaking me out. Not in a bad way, just…well, let’s go back to that anxious nausea reason.